Convict.

Pastor’s children are usually the ones who sin the most. A therapist’s child usually needs the most therapy…you agree? Well, I have the blood of a former police commissioner in my veins but honestly, I obey the law! I swear! I have had a couple of crazy encounters with the law, but none was as serious as this. The worst one was with a very popular group that the whole of Kenya now dreads, avoids, has formed groups to monitor, goes through hell to dodge….the famous ALCOBLOW!

When alcoblow came about, I, just like every other Kenyan made a promise never to fall culprit. Like I said, I obey the law…often! I had seen how the media was show casing those who were arrested and I completely freaked out. Well…until this fateful day! We had a long day in the office that ended with us entertaining some suppliers and a client at a bar along Ngong road. As early as 8pm, I was ready to leave and I honestly didn’t over indulge. One for the road was one for the road.

On our way out, we decided to stop by yet another bar just for one more. Little did I know how long my night would be. After an hour or so, we decided to head home. We asked around and were informed that alcoblow had set up…at Nakumatt junction. Therefore, I left and decided to use the petrol station to cut through the roads and dodge these cops. Only for some sneaky ones to have anticipated people to pull stunts like mine and show up right in front of me waving flash lights. It crossed my mind, “Reverse and take off!” Of course they saw me try to pull a stunt, so they came running towards me, furious.

So, they asked me to get out and they took my keys. Walked me to their van to take the test and of course, I failed! I had slightly more than the 2 minimum drinks. Despite being sober, I had to do the time for my crime. Therefore, after hours of people being arrested and joining us, we were taken to a cell. I have never slept in one, but trust me, that day convinced me to do the right thing! They were filthy, you can barely touch anything. Lucky enough, we came in and a bunch of us filled the cells, therefore 3 of us stayed in an office. We had to sweet talk an officer of course, hahaha. He told us that at 5.30am we would join the rest as the OCS walks in at that time, and we are no special from the rest (The irony! He favored us…clearly).

At 5.30am we were thrown into the cell. We struggled with the smells and dreaded the lice as we awaited court. I was slowly dying inside from the shame of having to be bailed out! We boarded a lorry to court (I have never boarded a lorry and no, I am not a diva hahaha). The number of times roll call was done…annoying!(Tafadhali serikali punguzeni hiyo sector). Then came the handcuffs! I almost shed tears, but I realized only men were being cuffed. Court took a whole day. The process is too lengthy. I have never pleaded guilty to anything. Deny! Deny! Deny! That is the survivors motto. This time, I owned it…for the sake of getting the hell out of there!

I remember getting home and my eldest brother singing “Badder than most” to me. I looked like I had walked to Timbuktu after all I had been through….like an ex con! I learnt my lesson. Get drunk and go home early or don’t leave until 6a.m. Hahaha, I’m just kidding. Do not drink and drive.

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