First pregnancy scare!

For those who know me, you know I have no filter…to some extent. I have met crazier people lately. Anyway, so I have been raised by a single mother and my youngest sibling is 11 years older than me. Some topics were never discussed with ‘the baby’. My mum and I came to a decision that I join a boarding school in Nakuru in class 5, so she missed my adolescence stage a little bit. I was a little girl up until I came home one day and asked for boob tops and my mum realised, haiya…I am no longer a child.

So, I came home once and told her I like a certain boy! I think my mum has the smartest parenting skills I have ever encountered. When I told her about the boy, she was very cool, calm and collected. She asked what his name was, how old he was and why I liked him (the why was simply to know how far we had gone with this so called ‘puppy love’). She then proceeded to tell me that boys are nice, but they get girls pregnant and they spread HIV. I don’t know how many of you were made to watch that HIV video in class 6 or 7, but if you did, you can imagine the thoughts that went through my mind. So, the smartest thing she did was to leave the process of how boys get girls pregnant and spread HIV to my imagination.

So, I carried this with me all the way to form one. At this point, I was ‘dating’ my beloved Osman (may his soul rest in peace). I say ‘dating’ because, at that point, talking to a girl frequently meant you were dating (to me of course). As the first term of form 1 was coming to an end, he was so eager to see me. He schooled in Njoro and I was in Molo, so Nakuru was a central point. He wrote me a letter and told me that he couldn’t wait for school to close so we could meet at Molo line in Nakuru for him to give me a hug and buy me lunch at a restaurant that was next to Gilani’s supermarket, I cannot recall it’s name.

After reading that letter, I broke down and cried like a baby. I thought he was insane and he didn’t have my best interest at heart. I got to writing and responded to him. I was furious, at this point I knew it was over between us…I mean, how dare he! He finally wrote back, and he was literally laughing on that letter. He explained to me in a very gentle way that, there was no way on earth a hug would get me pregnant. Trust me, I knew that, home science taught us. But, my mum said that these things come with letting boys in. So…always listen to your mother.

When I told my mum this story, she burst out laughing. I was offended, I mean, why are you laughing at me?! 😦 . She told me that when she was 17, the exact same thing happened to her with her first love. He wrote her a letter and she knew right then and there that she was pregnant. It’s true when they say, like mother, like daughter. So naive hahahaha. But, she finally got to telling me how pregnancy and HIV come about and I abstained for a loooooong time!

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You won’t believe what I did the one time I went for the ASK show!

I was talking to a friend from church today, yapping about everything women can talk about in this world, and she asked about my daughter and how she is fairing. After all the chit chat, she asked me whether I am taking her for the Nairobi ASK show ama I’m those mum’s for nowadays. We just don’t do such things. Of course I am the latter. She went on to tell me how it was their thing when they were kids, as her mum got numerous tickets to attend this event.

So, it hit me. I have only been to one ASK show. It was the Nakuru ASK show, which I attended when in high school. You know, as a mum, I worry about my daughter. The thought of her doing even half of the things I did just scares me. I must say, I have grown a lot in my faith and as a woman, but I did do some hideous things that I am not ashamed to share. I embrace my past, hehehe! So as a Christian, I pray that she does 1% of the hideous things and leaves the rest woiyee…

I was in form 3 when I went for the show. Normally, teenagers go for those dancing sessions that are literally Sodom and Gomorra in the present day. Trevor Noah once described South Africa as that state where, while the whole world is going left, S.A goes right saying, “We will meet you there” (*insert South African accent). My friends and I were S.A. We decided to go to a stand written Trust condoms.

There were structures there that we clearly had never seen before, but we knew what they represented…and no, it is not the banana that home science teachers use in primary school when describing the parts of the body. So, this guy was using this structure to demonstrate how to put on a condom. When he asked for volunteers, we quickly dashed in and decided to spend an hour there showing other students how it’s done. As a reward, each one of us was given a pack of condoms to take home.

During the holidays, I found the condoms in my bag and tossed them in my clothes drawer and totally forgot about them. Schools re-opened and I went back to my usual mischief. On ‘the day for letters’, I got mail from my mum. Let me just say, she was having a heart attack on paper, asking me why I am sexually active at such a tender age! Ai, I was shocked. Sasa what kind of accusations were those yawa! Only to see that she mentioned bumping into a pack of condoms in my drawer, then I was like oops! I was hoping she was still alive by the time I replied to her letter from my school in Molo. Hahaha, mum, if you read this, pole for the mini heart attack. The fear of pregnancy and HIV would never let me dare go against your teachings at that point. Please note AT THAT POINT. Pembe hazikuwa zimemea vizuri!

Roses for Mama, today’s her birthday!

I don’t know how many of you remember this song. It played every so often on Sundowner during the breakfast show. (Yes! Watu wa KBC Good morning Kenya, tumezeeka!) I remember this so well because, I was one of those kids who found it so hard to get up in the morning. My mum used to feed and dress me while I was half asleep in her room as she listened to this show and sang a long. This particular song was by one Red Sovin- Roses for mama, today’s her birthday. He sang this for his late mum. It talks about him visiting her grave every year on her birthday and taking her roses.

Unlike Red Sovin, mine is a celebration of life! Life that brought me and my siblings into existence, life that gave her blood and sweat to raise 4 kids in the best standards she could afford and who still babies us and our kids! I remember this one time while we lived in Nairobi west, I slept over at a friend’s place. I think I was around 10yrs of age. When I was dropped off, she had left for shagz all day. I had missed her so much, that I camped in her room all day, crying and sniffing her scarf until she came back home. Don’t get me wrong, she’s amazing, but she never spared the rod!

Our estate had these bonfire parties every end of year and parents let kids stay out late…until midnight. The last one I went for ended with a fight from some teenagers who got drunk and I decided to take refuge at my friend’s place for the night. Of course my mum was worried sick as she had to look for me all night and almost even involved the cops! Someone told her that she spotted me go to kina Shiru’s place, so she let me sleep til 6 a.m. When I got home, trust me, that is the last beating I ever got from her. 50 strokes from a belt that left my mum sweating, and she grounded me for 3 days in my room with food and supervised bathroom breaks! No TV, no playing outside! Just sit and think about my mistake. Hahaha, every time I remind her of this, she says the punishment was equivalent to how worried she was when she thought I had been kidnapped. I even wrote an apology letter! Hahaha, muuuuuuum!

I’m sure everyone has so many amazing stories about their mums…I can go on and on about it. I don’t think I have any “out of this world” quote I can share that can express how much I love and value my mum. However, I know that everyone can relate to Boyz II Men’s song ‘Mama, mama, you know I love yoooooouuuu!!!!! You know I love you. Mama, mama you’re the queen of my hearrrtttt! Your love is like tears from the stars. Mama, I just want you to know….loving you’s like food to my soul!’ This song still makes me tear up (*wipes tears)

I love you mum! God bless you and keep you. May you have many more years filled with joy and laughter.

 

Mboch chronicles

I know I’ve been away for too long. Lets just say that 2015 was that year when ‘it rained and poured’ mercilessly! However, whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. My experiences only add on to the stories I can tell people anyway, so win win! This is one of those 2015 ones. My 5 years of being a parent have shown me dust! Kulea kweli ndio kazi. Every mother has a mboch story. I have several, but this one ended my 2015 and started my 2016 in misery and amusement. I had a house help who I absolutely loved. She was in my home for 3 years and we only disagreed ONCE! Yes, ONCE! She was amazing. Everyone loved her, my baby being her number one fan.

We had lived together for so long, she was family. My siblings would tip her, my mum kept tabs on her, I even footed her hospital bills occasionally…only the best for Beatrice. One day, while driving into the estate from work, someone stopped me and asked, “Are you the lady who lives at the corner?”, I said yes. “Your house help has been moving around with a married man who lives in the estate and I think you should talk to her.” I was shocked, especially because she was so sweet and saved! I decided to address the issue with her, woman to woman. After our conversation, she swore she would make better choices and I felt at peace.

Much later, I was dropping my daughter off at school and she gave me a funny story! She mentioned that Beatrice had been taking her to Baba Christine’s house every day! I was furious. That was our first disagreement in 3yrs! I confronted her, and she swore that this would never happen again. I demanded that she keep her bad behaviour out of my child’s life and far away from my home area. This seemed clear. However, it did not stop her from dating this married man. I let her be. I mean, she is grown. When the year ended, I gave her her 2 weeks leave of which she was to resume from on 3rd of January. We waited…patiently…she even called and said she was on a bus to Nairobi…then she went off the grid…mteja!

I decided to prioritise my career and home, therefore, I hired someone else. The day before schools opened, I took my daughter to the estate hair dresser and she decides to fill me in on estate drama. Shock on me! She told me that Beatrice was back, living in our estate as Baba Christine’s new wife! I could not believe my ears. A few days later, I bump into the chic! Hahaha, you can imagine how furious I was. My friends laughed so hard about this saying that I should address her as ‘jirani wangu’ now! Eish, life has serious slaps! I wish her well in her marriage, but can someone train these chics to give notice or at least quit! Hahaha. Now Beatrice is my neighbour…literally moving on up!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2015 life lessons

Someone once told me that the essence of life is in its highs and lows. You get the chance to look back one day and see why you had to be in certain situations. I recently listened to a speaker who mentioned that, we pray and ask God to give us something. God however, never gives hand outs. He puts everyone in situations that help breed the things we ask for. “Ask for patience and you get a long queue in the banking hall.” The answers to what we want in life are simple, but not easy. The only problem is, we have to FORCE ourselves to get there.

2015 has not really been a great year for me in terms of life experiences, but it has by far been a year of numerous life lessons. I did have a number of highs and lows…but again, this is the essence of life. I think a few things I take away from this year and would love to share with everyone are:

  • When you feel stuck, its a sign that your need for exploration is not being met. Your soul needs exploration and growth.
  • You have to break the vicious cycle you have had by getting out of your comfort zone. Choose next year, to do crazy new shit or same old shit! Your choice!
  • Get out of your head, get past your feelings, get out of your comfort zone and force yourself to act on what you really want!
  • The most important person to fall in love with, the person to marry, is yourself! Marry yourself for better or worse(worse being when you are broken, disappointed and at your lowest…love yourself the most when you feel worthless), in sickness and in health(nurse yourself like you would nurse a loved one) and to have and to hold(love yourself completely, such that you don’t need anyone to love you-self love)
  • You are your biggest critique! Learn to be your biggest cheer leader. People fill our heads with perceptions that we let define us! But the greatest people alive looked deeper and leaped! Your first decision is distorted by doubts and fears within 5 seconds. Act and fail, but act!

All this, easier said than done. I am barely half way done with implementing this list. But, what are friends for if not to inspire? Happy holidays!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#Birthdaythings- Best birthday ever!

When I was in high school, form 3 to be exact, one boring afternoon, I saw my brother’s car drive into the school compound. It was strange because we only had one visiting day and that was not it! The head teacher summoned me to her office, only to break the bad news to me that my father was no more. It was a very painful and confusing moment for me. So, when we came to Nairobi, we had a sermon at Good Shepherd church where we got to view his body before we travelled to bury him the next day. I have never gone back to that church because it scared me to some extent.

Yesterday was my birthday, and my daughter’s school had a christmas concert planned at Good Shepherd church. I had to face my fears and go there, be there for my little girl. The set up was beautiful, not as sombre as the last time I saw it. Many years later, my daughter stood at the very place my father’s coffin did and I felt like it meant the world to me to replace so much sorrow with so much joy and beauty. That was by far the best birthday gift I ever got! I literally teared up through out the whole concert as I watched my daughter look so grown up.

I was in absolute awe as I watched the kids perform a play that was so informative. Forget the lesson behind it, how on earth did these teachers get such tiny little people to memorize a script and songs with grammatical jargon?! Trust me, I was not the only parent who was so amused. I now have a profound respect for teachers! Especially those at my daughter’s school. Their music teacher had them play a song with flutes and I cannot even play an instrument to save my life. The most I can do is drum with a spoon and even that may still sound off beat! I salute all teachers.

Finally, I made a stop at the office with my daughter and all the love she got warmed my heart. I found a bouquet of flowers from my boss and my colleagues took a break off their busy schedule and spent the afternoon with my daughter. They made her hold a sign asking people to wish me a happy birthday, which I found absolutely hilarious! They also took photos of her…oooh, she loooooves photos! I hope she turns out just like ‘This is Ess’ and gets someone proposing to her in some lavish way (Vera Sidika, I am still praying for you and your parents). The evening ended with two very dear people to me, spending quality time with me. My best friends, my people, friends for years who complement my weaknesses; Danny and Zembi! I simply couldn’t ask for more.

After the year I had, I must say, this new year seems pretty promising! I am grateful for every message, gesture and effort anyone made to make this day so special! God bless you and I love you all. Lesson: Be happy, be optimistic and feel loved!

A real man fathers his children

Human beings naturally give too much airtime and concentration on negative things. I recall a guy who had some temporary fame for going on social media and creating a platform for scorned women to tarnish the names of their dead beat baby daddies. Well, being a single mother, I am very familiar with the pains and struggles of raising a child a lone and I have been in that position where I am bitter and angry at the father of my baby for all the messed up decisions he made. But, why glorify mistakes?

I am fortunate to have met some amazing men in my life who are brothers and very good friends of mine. My brothers are fathers. Such amazing fathers, it literally melts my heart! My first born brother has even adopted kids…for the pure love of children! They are fathers to my daughter, she even calls one of them dad…I find it so cute! I have a friend I went to college with who had a baby by a lady I went to high school with. He is a single dad, an amazing one for that matter! He is the kind of dad who goes out of his way to spend time with his daughter, plays weird games with her, spoils her….she is literally daddy’s little princess. I know for a fact that these kids will grow up amazingly!

The other day, my nephew was on TV on a teen show called YOLO. My brother adopted him when he was in class 5. He is a very talented artist and he was show casing some drawings he had done. He gave a shout out to my brother and said he would like to thank his DAD for being his inspiration. It brought tears to my eyes. The rewards of good parenting. I dated a guy who had a son once, and that guy adored his boy. He did everything just so he could give his son the best and even now, he still does. A friend of a friend once told me of how devastated he is that his baby mama denies him his daughter and he adores her. I think its very attractive to see a man being a good dad…Like when walking in the mall and seeing dads carrying or holding their kids hands…Its just amazing!

Coming from me, who’s dad was never present, I want to appreciate all the men who do the right thing whether or not they are with their baby mamas. Mad respect! My advise to the ladies though. It’s never about you…its about that baby. Never deny a child his/her right to have a father because of your own selfish reasons. Lets appreciate good fathers!